Blissful Destruction

Blissful Destruction

Holding My Breath

My name is Natalie, I'm seventeen (senior in HS even though I attend community college through running start), and hopefully that is not enough for those closest to me to realize that this is me and not some random girl. However, I'm willing to risk sharing the gruesome details of my drug use and my attempts to escape in order to free myself and hopefully save others from this destruction. I began using alcohol, weed, nicotine, coke, and ecstasy at age twelve. This progressed to trying almost every drug except crack, meth, and heroin.Upon discovering Oxy cotton my life took a turn for the worst. This progressed to me needing something stronger resulting in my year long heroin addiction. During this year I tried crack and meth also making it so I have sadly tried about everything. I do not want to live like this, and this blog will be forcing me to face the horrible things I have done and witnessed. I believe writing will set me free.

Truth

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Truth is painful. However; lies are brutal. I went a long time where trust didn't exist: without trusting people they can't hurt you. This worked and was a necessity for survival, yet, I had to let someone in at some point. That someone is who I am currently with... going with the earlier post about him "Christmas Shopping," that happened yes, but it's what else he did and didn't do. He did: get Xanex, lie straight to my face, and fight me instead of saying "I know I hurt you and I'm sorry." He didn't: Call withing the five hours he was gone yet he did call his drug dealer. So here we go again, I decide I need heroin. Let's see if I can make day one again tomorrow. Hopefully, there will be a day two. If only I had hope in forever.
at 9:19 PM

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