Dope Sick

Today is supposed to be day one clean. I want to get high but I can't and I won't. I cannot live like this anymore and I know I can get through this no matter how much it feels like I can't. My stomach is battery acid, my mind deflated, my body hot and cold, I feel like I'm going to throw up and do something worse at the same time. I cannot function. Yesterday was supposed to be day one. The day before that and the day before that also. It doesn't seem like it's going to work. Yet it has too. This drug consumes everything good about someones life without them even realizing it. It tricks them into wanting the destruction because it offers a consolation prize: the ability to forget. Nothing is wrong when high, or so it appears, it's as if nothing happened when I was younger and nothing's happening now. It just is what it is. Slowly though the sickness seeps in mentally and physically. My body longs for the fix and my mind makes me think I will die without it. So that is how my daily routine begun, wake up, want heroin, get heroin, and then hate myself for doing heroin. Will today finally be day one? The sad thing is I don't know. Right now? Yes, today will be day one. Later? Who knows? However, I want to get clean more than anything I've wanted in my life. I have wanted it since I first realized I was addicted. I feel the need to use because I am depressed and am depressed because I use. Please, if anyone is reading this which I doubt, don't try it. The whole 'just say no' thing used to make me laugh. But bittersweet irony has me begging people not to enter the world I now find myself in. Just hide and close your eyes, but know that this drug is, and always will be, lurking around the corner.