Track Marks: Young Destruction: Resume Play

Holding My Breath

My name is Natalie, I'm seventeen (senior in HS even though I attend community college through running start), and hopefully that is not enough for those closest to me to realize that this is me and not some random girl. However, I'm willing to risk sharing the gruesome details of my drug use and my attempts to escape in order to free myself and hopefully save others from this destruction. I began using alcohol, weed, nicotine, coke, and ecstasy at age twelve. This progressed to trying almost every drug except crack, meth, and heroin.Upon discovering Oxy cotton my life took a turn for the worst. This progressed to me needing something stronger resulting in my year long heroin addiction. During this year I tried crack and meth also making it so I have sadly tried about everything. I do not want to live like this, and this blog will be forcing me to face the horrible things I have done and witnessed. I believe writing will set me free.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Stop. Rewind. Play. Pause. Fast-Forward.If only I could control my life with a remote. It is like last year I met him and hit 'stop,' I'll hit play later but for now I'm going to give up on living. With heroin I don't have to feel, I can just exist: cruise under the radar and put everything I don't want to worry about on 'pause.' I need to grow-up because heroin not only doesn't solve my problems it creates more. 'Pause,' I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with what lead me down this path. 'Rewind' I can't do this it's too hard. No, 'fast-forward,' this is my life and I need to live it because so many people don't have that luxury. Starving people in Haiti would love to have one dollar. I spend forty on a gram? Pathetic. This is ridiculous I have opportunities so many don't have I should be grateful. Let's see how this goes. Alright, I'm ready: Resume Play.

This poem depicts my first experience with the devil:

June 23, 2009

Swimming around and swirling in my brain,

tingling inside every vein, taking away all my pain.

At this current moment for what I've done I should feel shame,

but I can't stop smiling 'cause it's such a fun game.

Every cell in my body: relaxed and so comfortably warm.

This is so much better and cheaper than it's synthetic form.

I must try to stay away from this, I like it too much.

Obsessed with how everything feels like heaven to touch.

I know how fast it would take me down and ruin me,

and how suddenly the light would be impossible to see.

I can never do this again, but, oh how I want to.

NO! This is something I won't get into.

I promise that with this I will never get in too deep,

I really hope that is a promise I can keep.

Track Marks: Young Destruction

Blissful Destruction

Holding My Breath

Resume Play

Sunday, December 19, 2010

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