So back to day one again. Day two didn't work out so well, with a little encouragement the junkie in me reached for the phone, dialed an oh so familiar number, and relapsed again. Will it ever stop? I hear it would take me five years of sobriety to return to who I used to be. But what if I don't want to return to the person I used to be? And I definitely do NOT want to be the person I am right now. So who am I? No one I guess. Life is a journey to find oneself, however, what if there is nothing to find? I know I am a good person, I just make mistakes, I'm human. Currently, the boyfriend is "Christmas Shopping," bullshit that would mean he's going out of his way to do something for someone else. So far, from the year and three months we have been dating, I discovered that someone can really just not give a shit about anyone around him. We'll see, I'm sure he will come home with loads of presents and nothing happened. But then again, this is my boyfriend we're talking about; not only does he not shop, he for one has never gotten me a present before, and two so far it has been almost three hours. Men do not shop that long especially when they don't possibly have enough money to buy more than one or two people presents. I don't think we can get clean together. I'm stuck at a crossroads and I doubt I'll choose the right path. Yet, what if the right path (being single) is the wrong path? I guess we'll find out.
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