Track Marks: Young Destruction: Tomorrow For Sure

Holding My Breath

My name is Natalie, I'm seventeen (senior in HS even though I attend community college through running start), and hopefully that is not enough for those closest to me to realize that this is me and not some random girl. However, I'm willing to risk sharing the gruesome details of my drug use and my attempts to escape in order to free myself and hopefully save others from this destruction. I began using alcohol, weed, nicotine, coke, and ecstasy at age twelve. This progressed to trying almost every drug except crack, meth, and heroin.Upon discovering Oxy cotton my life took a turn for the worst. This progressed to me needing something stronger resulting in my year long heroin addiction. During this year I tried crack and meth also making it so I have sadly tried about everything. I do not want to live like this, and this blog will be forcing me to face the horrible things I have done and witnessed. I believe writing will set me free.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

How many times have I said that I will quit tomorrow for sure? Let's see just about every day since I first realized, or admitted, that I was addicted to heroin.This morning I was ready, it was for sure happening; however, the sickness consumed me and took over my determined set of mind. I am weak, yet at one point considered strong. The result of my addiction; the thief of life. Why can't we overcome this? No, why won't we? I know we can and I know we're ready, although we aren't at the same time. Same shit, different day. He always says that. Oh how true it is:~~Sick-Hunt-Find-Shoot-Sick~~. What seems to be our (my boyfriend and I) never-ending cycle. However, tomorrow I will break that because I can afford something tomorrow to help with the withdraws

Wish Me Luck!

This poem depicts my first experience with the devil:

June 23, 2009

Swimming around and swirling in my brain,

tingling inside every vein, taking away all my pain.

At this current moment for what I've done I should feel shame,

but I can't stop smiling 'cause it's such a fun game.

Every cell in my body: relaxed and so comfortably warm.

This is so much better and cheaper than it's synthetic form.

I must try to stay away from this, I like it too much.

Obsessed with how everything feels like heaven to touch.

I know how fast it would take me down and ruin me,

and how suddenly the light would be impossible to see.

I can never do this again, but, oh how I want to.

NO! This is something I won't get into.

I promise that with this I will never get in too deep,

I really hope that is a promise I can keep.

Track Marks: Young Destruction

Blissful Destruction

Holding My Breath

Tomorrow For Sure

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

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