Second Chance at Life

I am proud to say that yesterday I finished detox!!! It's not like it was court-ordered or anything, my parents didn't force me, and I told them I needed it. The downfall was my mother's interaction with my detox. I begged her to check into detox with me, but she wouldn't, and instead lied to the detox saying that I snuck drugs in--when I didn't. Suboxin is a drug that helps with withdrawals, this is what my boyfriend took while I was checked into detox. Therefore, he didn't throw up for twenty-four hours the second day clean, like I did. The pain was, and still is, pretty intense. I thought I was dying and wouldn't get over it: yet, I SUCCEEDED and am now feeling so much better! Life has new meaning and I'm trying to recover faith in a higher power. The track mark scars are valuable; seeing how I destroyed myself will show me the horror I caused myself, and remind me of the pain of withdrawals and use in general. I miss the old me before I started 'partying' at age twelve. But, I realize now you cannot look to the past or present for answers. We must live in the moment or we will crumble. The thing that I never realized was that not only can you look to past bad events and dwell on them, you can't focus on the good parts of your past. This is because when we dwell on the past--negative or positive--it takes away the beautiful present. Shit happens, we need to live and let go, because if we don't focus on the present than we will be victims of the past. I always hung onto the bad things that occurred after my parents divorce (when I was eight), but also dwelling on how good it was before the divorce. Missing the past or looking for the future, we become stuck, lost waiting around for life to happen. I'm now going to survive my present and live one day at a time.